*OK, as we are sure you've spotted, this was our April Fool's story. We hope we raised a little smile ...
A NEW directive from Brussels means Cornwall must make Cornish its primary language – or face losing its European funding.
The new law, which will come into effect next week, will see all Cornish newspapers, radio stations and television programmes forced to use Cornish.
It means that, from next week, the Cornish Guardian will be renamed the Kernow Gwithya.
Stories will be printed in Cornish, although a short English translation will be printed alongside for the first three months to help locals learn the language as quickly as possible.
Local stations will be allowed to broadcast an hour a day in English, but must be Cornish-only for the other 23 hours, with only Cornish-language songs to be played during the same period.
It is not just the media who will be affected by the changes.
All road signs across the Duchy will have all English names removed, with a team of Cornish sign writers due to start work on the huge project from tomorrow.
Councillors are also facing a race against time to master the ancient language, as all Cornwall Council business must be conducted in Cornish by the end of next week.
The shock policy was quietly announced in a publication issued by the EU last week entitled Adoptive Policy Requirements: Internal Linguistics Forum – Obscure Original Languages – but its impact on life in Cornwall has not been revealed until today.
Zena O'Rourke, editor of the Kernow Gwithya, said: “This has come as a shock to us all – nobody realised the impact this legislation would have on us until today.
“It’s going to take a massive effort, but in order to keep the vital EU funding, it looks like we are all going to have to brush up on our Cornish and quickly. Kernow rag nevra.”